tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post5727506542252208495..comments2024-03-23T12:06:21.093-04:00Comments on My Preconceived Notion: Join the Movement: Second Class InfertileDorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16255190971670471758noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-65271248086263233712014-01-05T13:23:04.277-05:002014-01-05T13:23:04.277-05:00Here from the Creme. I appreciate this post very ...Here from the Creme. I appreciate this post very much. I think that you are so right that we all have to stand together, and I never considered how much division there was over this topic. <br /><br />I'm on the younger(ish) side of infertility, and I've tended to note my age when talking about my issues/infertility because at some level, it was such a total shock to me...there is a lot of mythology out there that if you're in your 20s or 30s, infertility is not going to be a problem at all. It's not been something I meant to use to exclude others older than me - it's more because even a year+ later, I'm still struggling to understand/come out of denial - but reading this I can completely see where it could be seen as exclusive. I'll work to be more cautious in the future of how I word things so that they are inclusive of ALL people who struggle with infertility. Because really, it doesn't matter the age or why we're infertile, it's wicked, terrible painful. We're all in the boat. And it sucks to be there. <br /><br />Thank you for this post and your excellent point.Katherine Ahttp://inconceivable12.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-76464956728538659582014-01-04T13:12:21.636-05:002014-01-04T13:12:21.636-05:00I think that IF is one world where everyone is so ...I think that IF is one world where everyone is so quick to jump into a group - accusing the others of not knowing their pain. Secondary versus primary. Going through IF in your 20's versus your 40's. IVFers versus those who choose to avoid ART. Adopters versus those using surrogates. It's crazy to me that an experience that should bond us often separates us into groups so quick to judge the other. (I came over via Creme list - great post)kateanonhttp://www.kateanon.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-36390897663510072902013-05-01T20:59:45.456-04:002013-05-01T20:59:45.456-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-31998481651787270932013-05-01T04:14:19.017-04:002013-05-01T04:14:19.017-04:00I'm 39 and my youngest is almost 2yo. When peo...I'm 39 and my youngest is almost 2yo. When people push me for another baby (why do people do this!?!!) I say I'm too old and the statistics are not in my favor. I don't want to even take the chance. Then I hear a the things you hear: my second cousin's grandfather's moose had a baby...blah blah. People always think they're special snowflakes, young or old.Samhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06066499436533594138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-66424236563258544662013-04-30T16:08:00.471-04:002013-04-30T16:08:00.471-04:00Thank you for opening my eyes to this harsh realit...Thank you for opening my eyes to this harsh reality. I never knew that "younger" infertiles were so judgmental of "older" infertiles. No idea. I guess I don't really understand why. Like you said (and like the commenters said as well), it's crazy painful either way. And who can possibly know what your story has been? I'm so sorry for the judgment you've been victim to. I will definitely be more aware of my own personal biases and prejudices (I don't think I have them, but I'm sure they're lurking somewhere) so that I can do my best to support all infertiles, regardless of age or circumstance.Emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15069220262683215373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-57525785560373987432013-04-25T13:11:18.724-04:002013-04-25T13:11:18.724-04:00Brilliant post!
I so wish people would get past m...Brilliant post!<br /><br />I so wish people would get past my situation id\s worse than theirs comparisons and just offer support to everyone going through this craptastic experience called infertility.Kristinhttp://dragondreamerslair.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-66586204159001913642013-04-24T22:37:32.217-04:002013-04-24T22:37:32.217-04:00I have to comment on what "anonymous" po...I have to comment on what "anonymous" posted: No, age related infertility is NOT a disease. But does that make it hurt any less? I don't think so. Like gwinne said, it's different. But it still hurts. <br /><br />I know that if I had decided to marry the guy I dated when I was 30, I'd have my imagined family of 4 children right now. And I'd probably be divorced, which is why I didn't marry him. I didn't deliberately set out to be 41, trying to conceive my second child with old eggs as a single woman. I did choose to not marry men that weren't right for me. I did choose to do online dating and to go out on every blind date I was ever offered, and I did choose to keep holding out hope - for too long it turns out - that I would meet someone and not have to do this by myself. <br /><br />I don't think I'm entitled to anything. I think it sucks that I have to go to donor egg to complete my family, but I'm thankful I have the chance to do so. I think it sucks that by the time I'm done, I'm going to have spent tens of thousands of dollars to have my children. I think it sucks that ANYONE has to go through this, no matter what the age. And I really think it sucks that some people can't afford to keep trying, because their insurance doesn't cover anything IF related. <br /><br />Your response does a great job of illustrating Dora's point. No matter how we got here, no matter why we're infertile, it SUCKS. Judging each other because... she waited too long ... she weighs "too much"... she slept around when she was a teenager and got pelvic inflammatory diseases... is counter productive. No one is more deserving or more entitled to be treated for their infertility because "it's not their fault" that they are infertile. <br /><br />We are all in this together. Or at least we should be. Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14647211529119137824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-59222932273279096832013-04-24T22:05:23.710-04:002013-04-24T22:05:23.710-04:00I've been 29 and infertile and 39 and infertil...I've been 29 and infertile and 39 and infertile. Sucked all around. I do think age-related infertility is a different beast...not a lesser beast by any means, but a different one. But I do appreciate this post. gwinnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04840990153103781272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-13819381815178189412013-04-24T21:21:41.475-04:002013-04-24T21:21:41.475-04:00Well said!
The same thing can be said for women o...Well said!<br /><br />The same thing can be said for women of size dealing with infertility. I can't even begin to count how many times I was told that if I would just lose weight, my problem would be solved. If I would have just dropped a few pounds my m/c's wouldn't have happened. Obese patients have a lot of issues with getting/staying pregnant but that doesn't change the fact that they are people with feelings who deserve to be treated (medically and personally) with just as much respect as everyone else. <br /><br />(stepping off my soapbox now)Mrs. Gamgeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18351339333625358960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-22860521299055295192013-04-24T19:45:45.393-04:002013-04-24T19:45:45.393-04:00As a woman of AMA, I think it's important to a...As a woman of AMA, I think it's important to acknowledge the differences in women who share the umbrella diagnosis of infertility. Each and every woman's story is different and grief is a subjective experience. The woman who is 26 and infertile has a very different experience than the woman who is in her 40s and infertile. Grief is defined by and manifests itself as a consequence of individual circumstances. Many women in their 20s and 30s have PCOS or POA (for example) and these are diseases. Many women in their 40s do not have a disease. They have aging ovaries. Aging ovaries aren't a disease any more than the wrinkles on my face. That's the cold, hard truth and I live with that every day. I am a big believer in personal responsibility. We are the sum of all the decisions we have made in our lives, whatever those decisions may have been. Personally, I am tired of the entitlement that many women in their 40s seem to have, like they have no idea how they got to where they are. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5019107778457509071.post-84839105754464978212013-04-24T17:08:54.056-04:002013-04-24T17:08:54.056-04:00Great post and point of view- thank you for sharin...Great post and point of view- thank you for sharing!AnotherDreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11487881766884178761noreply@blogger.com