Poisoned!

 Warning: Vomity TMI

At least that's how it felt. I've been sick since Sunday night. I thought it was food poisoning. We went to a Mexican restaurant Sunday evening with my sister and niece. Now as I hear from so many other people that have been hit, I think it's a bad stomach virus. I don't think I've ever been this sick. Still not feeling great, but making myself eat some plain food, because I think at this point some of my wobbly feeling is from not eating.

I truly felt as if someone had poisoned me. Was feeling queasy when I woke up to nurse Sunshine at 2:45am. Thankfully, she went back to sleep soundly after her late night snack. The hurling began at 3. Other end around 4:30. The weird part was the horrible hip pain. I was diagnosed with bursitis in both hips last week, and had cortisone shots in both. By Saturday it was kicking in and I was feeling better, but as soon as I started spewing, they started hurting. BAD! So I'm lying in bed, moaning in misery, unable to find a comfortable position. After the third run to the bathroom with my mouth filling, I stationed a bucket by the bed. Water would not stay down. But I kept drinking, trying to keep somewhat hydrated, and to avoid the dry heaves and vomiting bile.

When Sunshine woke at around 6, I felt so overwhelmed. Couldn't handle nursing, also probably didn't have much milk, since I was definitely dehydrated by then. Hallelujah, there was a premixed 3 oz bottle of formula and a disposable nipple in the diaper bag by the bed. Fed her this with her lying next to me, while I was flat on my back. Ran my options through my head. My mother and her husband were out of town for the weekend. Knew they were coming back that day, but were pretty far away. My next door neighbor adores Sunshine, but she's in her 80s (I think). Upstairs neighbor has offered to help, but I don't know her well. Ah! A friend in the neighborhood who has been so generous with hand me downs from her daughter. Not just clothes, but major baby equipment. She told me if I ever needed anything I should call. I didn't know what time she leaves for work, so a little after 6:30 I called, explained the situation, and asked if she could come by and bring Sunshine to daycare. She immediately said she could. What a lifesaver!

So Sunshine is babbling away next to me in bed, but I can tell she has a load in her diaper. The changing stuff is in the other room. Damn! I could have changed her right there with stuff from the diaper bag, but I had a feeling it was a major poopy load, and didn't want to risk getting anything on the bed. Carried her to the other room. Needed to sit down and rest first. Changed the loaded diaper. (Just the thing when you're nauseous. NOT!) Needed to sit down and rest again. Brought her clothes back to the bedroom, got the onesie she slept in off, but then I was spent. Lying in bed with a nakey baby in just a diaper. Her clothes on the bed next to us. I kept apologizing to her. My angel/friend arrived! I thanked her and apologized that I didn't have Sunshine ready. Not a problem. Her daughter is almost 13 months older, so I think she enjoyed dressing my little one. Then off they went.

The vomiting didn't let up until mid-afternoon. Still felt horrible. Very weak. Got hold of my mother. They were on their way back, but it would be a while. My friend had offered to pick up Sunshine as well, and either bring her to me or bring her to her place. I called and asked if she could pick her up and watch her until my mother arrived. I am so lucky! She and her husband and daughter enjoyed my smiley girl for a couple of hours. They brought her home about 10 minutes before my mother got there. And with a shopping bag full of hand me down clothes! (Sunshine rocks the hand me downs!) I missed my girl, but I still felt like crap.  My mother was a help, but of course she wanted to play with the baybeee. Said babe finally fell asleep 2 hours later than usual when my mother (AKA The Distraction) left the room for a few minutes. I had a piece of toast and a little bit of chicken soup.

Tuesday morning my mother took Sunshine to daycare and went home. I had actually been planning to take this day as a personal day for a follow up with the foot surgeon. Called their office as soon as it opened and changed the appt from 9am to 12:30. Dozed a little before I had to leave for the appt. (Surgeon said foot is healing on schedule (it still hurts), and that it should feel better in another 2-3 months.) Of course I had to wait for the dr. It was a little after 2pm that I was seen for my 12:30 appt. Rushed home so I could try to get more rest before picking up Sunshine. Passed out! Woke up 15 minutes before the daycare center closes. Oh, fuck! Threw on my clothes and ran the 10 minutes over there. All I ate Tuesday was some chicken soup.

Yesterday I made it to work. Only lasted until 11:45 before I told my boss I needed to go home. Had a decent nap before getting Sunshine. It was over 90° yesterday. That didn't help. What did help is that my delightful daughter slept 8 hours straight! All I ate yesterday was a plain roll and some more chicken soup.

Which brings us to today. At work. I'm eating, even though food is still very unappealing, as I think the lack of fuel is contributing to my feeling wonky.

There's got to be a better way to lose the IVF/baby weight!

So how's your week going?

City Girl

Hi Everyone! It’s me, Squeaker. Mommy says since Elizabeth gets to blog, so can I! Oh, yeah, Mommy says I need a new nickname. She says I don’t squeak anymore, I squeal. For some reason, she says Squealer isn’t a good nickname. She tells me I am her Sunshine. So you can call me Sunshine, too.

We had such a fun time last weekend. On Saturday Mommy and I snuggled in bed for a while. I had some of the yummy milk Mommy has and we cuddled and went back to sleep. Then we got dressed and went to our music and dance class. It’s so much fun. We look at the other babies and go in circles and play music. Here’s a picture of me making music with sticks. Mommy says no one should buy me a drum set. Why not?

I was very tired after class, so I went to sleep while Mommy pushed me in the stroller. Then later we had a nice visit with Mommy’s friend and her big girl. It was a great day!

Sunday was even busier! We woke up earlier. I wanted to laugh and play, so we didn’t stay in bed. I had a bath. I love to splash with my feet. Mommy put my robe on me after my bath. She said she didn’t want me to get my clothes dirty before we went out. Huh? Then I had some milk and took a little nap. Mommy says I look like I’m having a spa day in my robe.

Then we took the subway to Manhattan. I like the subway! It moves fast, and all the people smile at me and talk to me.

We went to a restaurant with Mommy’s friend and her big boy. He can walk and eat food with a spoon. It looks like lots of fun. Can I have some please?

After the restaurant, we took a walk. It was very sunny, so I had to wear my sunhat. Do you like it?

It was such a busy and exciting day. When we got home Mommy said I was overtired. I don’t know what she means. I still wanted to play. I didn’t want to go to sleep. So Mommy gave me my favorite toy to play with.

I guess I was a little tired.

The Celebratory Society

Please forgive my slacker blogging. I caught the baby's cold, and now my allergies are bothering me on top of the cold. Add in sleep deprivation and working full time, and it's hard to put my thoughts together for a coherent post. It's even hard to keep up with all my blog reading, but I try, and I try to leave comments when I can. So I thought Mel's latest project would be a good incentive for me to write more than quick, one sentence comments and a way for me to soak up some of the love from the most loving gang on the net.

Think of this as the most interesting delurking project you'll ever participate in. After giving back to others at the Celebratory Society, I have decided to participate in it myself. You can understand the project in full by clicking here, but in brief, the Celebratory Society is an online festschrift for a blogger--a way for you to tell me what my blog or actions mean to you. But this isn't about me--this is about you too. And I would love it if you returned to your own blog, started your own Celebratory Society post, added it to the main project list, and gave me the opportunity to tell you about...you.

I'm Such a Bad Blogger

I know, I know. I owe you all a major update. I'm tired. Really tired. Squeaker has bronchitis. Poor baby. First time she's been sick. It hurts my chest when she coughs. :-(

I will try to write a proper post soon. Really wanted to join Project IF. Might write a post anyway.

Here's some cuteness from last weekend to tide you over. Can you believe my girl is over 5 months old!?!

Truth, Lie, and Bounce (and other miscellaneous stuff)

Mel posted a fun game this week. We were to comment with either a truth or a lie, then post on our blogs whether we were telling the truth or not. Yup, my comment was the truth. And of course there was drama involved. I managed to stay out of most of the drama, and thankfully the wedding went off without a hitch. My main gripe (which I basically kept to myself so as not to be "difficult") was that the maid of honor decided on a date for the bridal shower without consulting anyone else in the bridal party. My ex (not an ex at the time) had gotten tickets to see Bonnie Raitt that night as my birthday gift. The tickets were sold and I attended the shower. But, DAMN!

Miscellaneous stuff: a few things I could use some mom advice on.

1. Squeaker's got some irritation around her neck. I'm sure it's just from sweat, spit up, and drool getting in the folds of her adorable chub. Suggestions for combatting that?
2. What baby sunscreen do you suggest for my fair skinned girl.
3. When did you stop swaddling? My mother says it's dangerous to swaddle her now that she can roll over, but she still flails a lot in her sleep if she's not swaddled. I really think she sleeps better swaddled. I know I do, since she's not smacking and kicking me.

Oh, and regarding Mel's revelation that she's "deathly afraid of mayonnaise," she's not alone. I have a good friend who's also mayo-phobic. She refers to it as "M" or "the M word." We'll be out at a restaurant and I'll ask if she wants to share an appetizer and she'll say, "I think in has 'M' in it."

FINALLY! The Birth Story.

Oh, I’ve been meaning to write the birth story for so long. Don’t really have a great excuse, except the girl keeps me busy at home, and work has been busy. I have a little breather at work today, so let’s see how much I can get down. It’s a really good story … IMO. And lucky for me, my doula took notes at the hospital, so I can get the timing right.

Well, it started on Saturday, November 28th at about 10:30pm. Suddenly my underwear was wet. Not a big gush or anything, but not a few drops either. I wasn’t sure if my water had broken or I just peed myself. I mean, 38 week pg women do pee themselves. But I didn’t have that “gotta pee” feeling, so I had a suspicion it was amniotic fluid. I called my doula and told her. I said I felt fine otherwise. She thought I could call the dr or I could wait. I decided to wait. I didn’t relish the idea of taking a car service to the hospital ($40-50) only to have them send me home. I also called my mother. She said it was the same for her when her water broke with me. Just a trickle, no gush. I tried to relax and get some sleep, but began feeling crampy in my lower abdomen. This was where I’d been having painful round ligament pain for weeks, so I really didn’t think much of it at first. I expected my whole belly to tighten with contractions. (BTW, I never experienced that.)

I was crampy enough that I didn’t get much sleep. Kept going to the bathroom to check for anything happening, but nothing was. By morning, I was checking with Dr. Google. What do you know, it appeared this kind of cramping is an indication of early labor. I still wasn’t terribly concerned, as I really felt basically fine. Called the doula again and she said it was time to call the dr. I called and left a message, and the on call OB called me back. When I told him what was happening, he told me to come in to the hospital. He asked how long it would take me. I told him I could be there in about an hour. I truly thought they would be sending me home, but just in case I had to stay, I ate some Thanksgiving leftovers (in case they wouldn’t let me eat) and took a shower. I called my mother and told her I was going to the hospital. I had already decided and discussed with her that she should come after the birth. I complained about the cost of a car service to the hospital. (If I could get a metered cab in my neighborhood, it would be $20-25, but they are not available, so the car service is $40-50.) My mother said that if I felt okay, I should take the subway. I figured if I wound up staying, she could pick up my hospital bag on her way.

So, taking my sweet time, I headed out. I stopped at Starbux on my way to the subway. The nice young woman behind the counter, who’d been watching my belly grow for months, asked how I was feeling. “I’m okay. Actually, I’m on my way to the hospital. But I think they’re going to send me home, so give me a coffee and a blueberry scone.” I took the first train that arrived at my station going to Manhattan (I live near a hub). Sat down and sipped my coffee. Then the man next to me started coughing. Geez! I never got so much as a cold while pregnant, I didn’t want to get sick now. So I got up and moved to the other end of the subway car. When I got off the train, I took a taxi the 19 blocks to the hospital.

As I’m signing in at the L&D front desk, I can hear the OB on call talking about me down the hall, wondering where I was. It was now about 3 hours since I called. I was taken to an exam room and changed into a gown. The OB barged in before I was completely changed. Whatever. “So what took you so long?” I explained that I had something to eat and took a shower before leaving. He smiled and said he didn’t blame me for doing that. I got on the gurney, and he unceremoniously stuck what felt like his whole hand up me. “Your water has broken, but you’re only 50% effaced and less than a 1/2 cm dilated.” He said that since my water had broken over 12 hours ago, but I wasn’t progressing, we needed to move things along. I was staying, and they would start me on pitocin.

An IV was started and I was taken to a L&D room. The room was actually lovely. Nice big windows with a view of the city, and except for the monitors, the medical equipment was in a closet behind closed doors. Monitors were strapped on and the pitocin was started. I called my doula and she left to join me. I arrived at the hospital about 1pm and the pitocin was started around 1:30. I made a few other calls. Called my BFF who said she would come for a while. (She has her own donor baby who was nearly 14 months at that time.) The nurse was asking questions and charting everything. Of course, she had my age on the chart, so she said, “So you had an amnio?” The look of horror on her face when I said “no” was kind of amusing. Like she expected I would give birth to a 3-headed baby. “Not my old eggs,” I assured her.

I was very happy when my doula arrived. Even though I was still just feeling crampiness, Squeaker was not tolerating the contractions very well. With every contraction, her heart rate would drop. The nurse kept repositioning me, and occasionally had me on oxygen. My BFF arrived around 4. We all chatted. I was really feeling okay, and surprisingly relaxed. A little before 5pm the anesthesiologist came in to discuss the epidural and go over the consent forms. By now the contractions had become more painful, and I decided it was time for the epidural. It took about a half hour for them to be ready to administer it. They sent my doula and friend to the waiting room. BFF told my doula that she wished it would go quickly so she could be there for the birth. They were back in the room by 5:45, and I was soon feeling better. Shortly thereafter, the OB came in and did another internal exam. Nothing happening. Long and closed.

Around 7, the nurse inserted a catheter. Ick! 7:15 the OB came in and explained that they had lowered the pitocin because of Squeaker’s dipping heart rate, but it was better now, so they would increase it again. He said he would come to check my cervix again in a couple of hours. BFF had to go home to her babe and hubby. A new L&D nurse came on duty. I swear, she looked about 12, but she was great. I made some phone calls. Cancelled my acupuncture appt that I had scheduled to do some points to bring on labor. Obviously didn’t need that now! Left messages cancelling the chiro and the PT appt for my foot. Left a voice mail at my office informing them that I was officially on leave. They kept me on oxygen at this point to help keep Squeaker oxygenated, since they had increased the pitocin. Around 8:15 they turned it up more. An hour or so later the OB checked my cervix again. No progress at all. He estimated that it could easily take another 18-24 hours of pitocin to fully dilate. He also noted that I am narrow. (Something I’m well aware of, as I became accustomed to REs apologizing as they tried to insert the dildocam.) He said that even if I did fully dilate (which he wasn’t sure would happen), I might not be able to deliver vaginally due to this. Having discussed their c-section policy with my OB, I knew that the drs in this practice prefer vaginal deliveries. It’s a large group practice, so someone is always on call in L&D at the hospital. So there’s no rush to deliver before a shift is over. I asked the OB what he thought I should do. He recommended a c-section. I totally felt it was up to me. I was being monitored, and Squeaker was okay at the moment. But my priority was a healthy baby, not some mystical birth experience. I agreed to the c-section.

Suddenly I got nervous! Preparations began. Forms were signed. We had to wait for an OR to become available. I called my mother and told her she could start making her way to the hospital to meet her new granddaughter, but to please stop at my apartment and pick up my bag. I figured this would have her arriving shortly after the delivery. I joked with the OB that I was glad to have a dr who was older than me for a change. He laughed at that. (But as an aside, while prepping me in the OR, he asked why I waited so long to have a baby. “D’oh, I forgot!” Gee, does it take a rocket scientist to figure out why a single woman might wait before deciding to have a baby on her own?)

I was wheeled into the OR at 10:25. More anesthetic was administered through the epidural. Oh, my! A c-section feels weird! I think I felt everything but the incisions. It didn’t hurt, but I felt lots of tugging and pushing and pulling. At 10:40 my daughter entered the world and howled at her arrival. What an incredible sound! Of course, some tears were shed. As they toweled her off, the nurses told me how beautiful she was. They took her footprints and swaddled her, while she loudly announced her presence. I called out to her, “Hi baby. Mama’s right here.” Then she was in my arms. I was holding her within 5 minutes of her birth. On one side of the drape the OB was putting my insides back together, and on the other I was meeting my daughter. She stopped crying once she was in my arms. I stroked her perfect cheeks and told her how much I loved her.

Soon the epidural was removed and I was taken to recovery. I immediately felt like crap. Very nauseous. I felt like I needed to throw up, but when I tried to take a deep breath to retch, I discovered I couldn’t. The anesthetic went too high for me take a deep breath. This made me feel panicky. I knew it was from the epidural and would pass soon, but it still freaked me out. I retched a bit before the nausea passed, but didn’t actually throw up. Then the shaking started. I had heard of this reaction after an epidural is removed, but it’s still freaky. Shaking as if I was badly chilled, except I wasn’t cold. Just had to wait it out. Held Squeaker skin to skin. She nursed a bit, but was mostly content to snuggle. She was very alert. MY DAUGHTER! WOW!! My mom arrived to meet her. It was late, so she just stayed about an hour.

Then we were taken to the postpartum unit. They took Squeaker for about 20 minutes to clean her up a little more. I settled into my room and posted here (on my iTouch) that my girl had arrived.

There you have it. Our birth story. Better late than never.

Photo Friday With Cali

Calliope at Creating Motherhood is running a weekly linky post called Photo Friday. Each week there will be a theme. This week's theme is sinks and tubs. Since I haven't had time for a real post, here's a chance to show off my girl. She's smiling and laughing all the time now. JOY!

This is my mother's kitchen sink. I'll be sad when she gets too big for kitchen sink baths.

Also for your amusement, here is a picture I've posted before of me in the bath. (Same duck graphic preserving our internet decorum.)