She Said WHAT?!?!

As my readers peeps are aware, although I gestated and got sliced open to have my daughter, she is not the product of my 40 something ovaries. I have zero shame about that. In fact, I’m kind of proud of the obstacles that were overcome to bring her into the world and make me a mom. I have every intention of being open with Sunshine about her conception. Even though she’s only 10 months old (on Wednesday!), I sometimes talk to her about all the people who helped me become her mom—Aunt Kathy (our embryo donor), a whole bunch of doctors in two countries, and all her internet aunties who were so supportive during the process. But still … I am sometimes at a loss as to what to say to random people who ask where she gets her red hair. Right now it’s not that important, but as she gets older and understands more, I want to be able to respond in a way that’s both truthful, but simple and not invasive. I would welcome and greatly appreciate suggestions.

A little over a week ago I had an encounter that still has me shaking my head in disbelief. We went to synagogue for Yom Kippur services. We were hanging out in a hallway, since Sunshine was being too noisy and wouldn’t sit still. Apparently lots of people couldn’t sit still, as there was quite a bit of foot traffic. One older woman walked by a few times. She was obviously captivated by my cute, social baby, and chatted with us. Then she leaned in to Sunshine and said, “You must look like your Daddy, since you don’t look at all like your Mommy.” WTF! But I took a deep breath, and since she didn’t say it with any malice, I explained about Sunshine’s conception. Her reaction to this was fine, and she told me she knew someone whose sister was a gestational carrier for her. (Of course she didn’t use that term. We can’t expect outsiders to know all the lingo.) THEN (and here’s what I really am having trouble letting go of) she looked at Sunshine and said, “She’s got a shiksa face.” Again, none of this was said with any malice, but what in the world would make her think this was in any way appropriate?

The thought of comments like this causing Sunshine any angst in the future is awful. She is my daughter. Period. As any donor conceived child is their parents’ child. Or any child who is adopted. We know that. MOST people know that. But how do we protect our children from that minority of ignorant or thoughtless people?

Two Years Ago

Two years ago today I wrote my first blog post. I was still trying to conceive with my own eggs. At that point I’d had three IVF cycles cancelled before even starting due to cysts on my ovaries. The monstrously huge box of IVF meds had been staring at me for over three months. I’d participated on message boards and read some blogs, but was only beginning to understand the magnitude and power of this online community.

For years prior, I had sworn I would never have a blog. Hard to believe, huh? Well, there’s a story behind that. Five years earlier I went out with this guy. We really connected. We talked and talked and talked, we held hands, we kissed … a lot. Then things progressed the way they usually do in these situations. And he appeared to drop off the face of the earth. TWO WEEKS later he emailed me apologizing and saying he realized he was “emotionally unavailable.” I have to say, I was rather proud of my response. I told him that I’d already figured that out, and that I thought it was bad form to break up via email after sleeping together. Then, and here’s where the blog aversion comes in, he proceeded to chew over his feelings about us, wavering back and forth about whether to contact me or not, for weeks. He knew I had his URL. It was awful. And it’s one of the reasons that I chose to blog under a pseudonym. I’m very picky about who I share my URLs with outside of our community. Many people in my life know I have a blog, know that it was very instrumental in becoming pregnant with my daughter, but do not have access to it.

Anyway, back to my blogoversary! I am so glad I got past my blog aversion. This community has been the rock I’ve leaned on during tough times. Through this community, my donor found me! You've been with me through cancelled and failed cycles, watched pee stick lines get darker, betas rise, belly grow, and the incredible birth of my little girl. I announced her birth right here just 3 hours and 20 minutes after she took her first breath. It was amazing, a couple of weeks ago, to meet so many bloggers I’ve gotten to know these last two years. To introduce them to my miracle baby. To hug them and to meet some of their miracle children.

Many of my ALI blogger friends are still struggling to build their families. My blogoversary wish is for their success. My heart swells with every ALI blogger BFP and birth announcement. What a joy to celebrate the arrival of these very, very wanted children.

Do You Want To Know? Pull Up A Chair, I’ll Tell You.

I am so pleased to be a part of Calliope’s new project. I’m honored to be among this awesome group of women. Have you heard about this? Well, Cali was inspired to start this after attending BlogHer. Everyone’s an expert on something. So she’s created this beautiful website (whowantstoknow.net) for us to share our thoughts about various things. We’ll be reviewing things and sharing our personal expertise. Please let us know if you have any ideas and suggestions.

My first post is up now about one of my favorite little kitchen gadgets and the terrific customer service I received from the company that made them. I have some other posts brewing, but right now Sunshine is asleep, and I want to sleep, too!

Psssst: In other BIG news, check out Cali’s new web design venture, Plaid House! Rockin’!

Sunshine On The Move!

Still have to go through my photos and do my post-BlogHer post. And another post I've been percolating. In the meantime, as of Friday the Thirteenth, I have a crawler! You might want to turn the sound down or off so you don't have to listen to my sister laugh and chatter.



ETA: Our home is a DEATHTRAP! The world is a DEATHTRAP! And, damn it, Child Protective Services frowns on wrapping children in bubble wrap.

300th (200th) Roundup CAKE! And Fun With Auntie Kristin!

To celebrate Mel's 300th (200th) Friday Blog Roundup, we decided to post pictures of cake. Because what's a celebration without cake?

Yesterday Sunshine and I had the pleasure of meeting Kristin! We had a great time.

Then we went to the famous Magnolia Bakery for cake.

Here's a closeup of my piece of cake. Banana with chocolate frosting. Mmmmmmm!

And as she posted, Auntie Kristin slipped Sunshine some whipped cream. She was eyeing my cake, but she didn't have any.

On the way home Sunshine entertained our fellow subway riders by blowing raspberries.



Off to meet some bloggers for lunch!

Meeting the Village! My Non-Attendee Pre-BlogHer Post. (P.S. Added)

Even though it is in my city, I am not attending the conference. It would have involved deciding to attend when I was pregnant, spending money I shouldn’t spend, and time off from work. It was so odd last year when people started blogging about purchasing their tickets and coming to NYC, and I thought, “I’ll have an 8 month old by then!” OMG! I really have an 8 month old! It’s still surreal to me.

But this is my town, and I’m so excited that some of the best friends I’ve never met are coming to town. Some of the amazing women who supported me through cancelled and failed cycles, and celebrated my success will be here! Does it sound strange that I’m imagining handing over my daughter to these women for cuddles?

We will, of course, be at the ALI bloggers’ meetup on Sunday. I will try to slip away from work on Friday for a long lunch if people are meeting at lunchtime. But since I know people will be busy with the conference and parties Friday and Saturday, I am taking tomorrow off from work. To make the most of the personal day, I am dropping Sunshine at daycare at the usual time and going to my internist for a checkup. (My mother has been nagging me to get my cholesterol checked.) Then I will go get Sunshine and head to midtown. I’m estimating about !2:30-1pm. I have some phone numbers, but if you want to get together tomorrow afternoon, email me and I’ll give you my cell number.

CAN’T WAIT!!!

P.S. If you're attending and you see any good baby swag and don't need it yourself, I would love some. kthnxbai

Photo Friday: Play!

I have a thoughtful, possibly controversial post brewing. But in the meantime I'm participating in Cali's Photo Friday again. The theme this week is Play! As I said in my post about guilt, Sunshine's daycare is great. I love seeing her play with her little friends. She and her buddy (disguised in the photo) are always watching each other to see what the other is doing. They learned to clap hands within a week of each other. They were just so cute together this particular morning, I had to grab the camera.