Devastating

I'm absolutely heartbroken over the loss of Wiseguy's little Lola. Please go give her some love. Then pop over to Kristin's place to join in on the beautiful project that Kristin is putting together for Wiseguy.

New Post on Who Wants To Know! **GIVEAWAY**

Please click over and check out my latest baby product review at Who Wants To Know. It's a space saving baby/toddler bathtub. As added incentive to click over, there's a cute picture of Sunshine demonstrating the product (tightly cropped for modesty). Leave a comment with your best space saving tip for a chance to win one.

Sunshine's First Sleepover WITHOUT MOMMY! *Updated*

Daycare germs have struck again. Friday morning Sunshine threw up twice. Since she seemed fine after that, I attributed it to a night's worth of snot going down her throat instead of pouring out her nose. Then Saturday we hung out with a friend (who's in her 2ww!). We got home around 8:30. I was just able to get Sunshine in her highchair with some cheerios for distraction before I was hurling in the toilet. Got Sunshine to sleep by 9:20 and was puking again by 9:30. A little break until 11:30, then it was pretty much nonstop for HOURS. By 7am I was able to keep some fluids down, but was still very nauseous. Every muscle hurt, my throat was raw from retching, and of course, Sunshine was up bright and early. I called my mother for help. She could come, but it would be a while. I somehow managed to change the poopy (and leaky, naturally) diaper, and gave her a bottle. I put her in her crib with a bunch of toys to play with, and curled up in bed. (The crib is next to the bed.) I also called and left a message with a local babysitter. She was content for a while, then started crying/whining in earnest. I felt terribly guilty when I got her and realized that her snot was dripping all the way to her chin! Then, thankfully, the babysitter called back. She could be here in 5 minutes. YAY! When she got here, I handed Sunshine to her, showed her where the clothes were, got out some pureed peaches for her breakfast, and went back to my sickbed.

My mother arrived about 45 minutes later. Sunshine was dressed and fed, and just about ready for a nap in the car. They hit the road quickly, so as to miss the approaching storm. She's having a great time at her grandmother's. I still feel like crap, but I miss my baybeeee! Last night was the first night we've been apart since she was born. I know it was the right thing, as I spent yesterday and last night barely able to move, finding it hard to find the energy to even get up to get some water. But .... WAAAAAAH!!!! Today I still feel like crap, kind of like a bad hangover. Another night to recover is a good idea, besides, there's a bunch of snow in between us. I miss my Sunshine. :-(

*UPDATE: Relapse! 50 hours after the first puke, just threw up again. FUCK! Afraid to lay down, that it will just make it easier for the sick to come up. Blech, blech, blech!

The Overdue Birthday Post

I have been struggling to find the time/energy to write a fabulous post about my amazing miracle baby turning one. Well, she came down with her first real sick 6 days after her first birthday. Frankly, that’s pretty good for a child who’s been in daycare since she was thirteen weeks old, and not unexpected, as several kids in her “class” were sick earlier that week. She had her first ever fever, and then threw up ALL OVER both of us. Not spit up, folks, honest to goodness puking. Her fever would go down with acetaminophen, but not go away completely. Took her to the pediatrician two days in, who diagnosed and ear infection. She’s now MUCH better, but still kind of restless at night, which may be lingering effects of the sick, or may be because we are weaning. I hate that we started weaning in earnest while she was sick, but she just would not learn to stop biting. And … OUCH! As of today, she has not had any mommy milk for over a week and a half. I know she wants it and misses it (she pulls on my shirts and kisses my chest), but she doing okay with it. Oh, and then she caught a new cold and promptly gave it to me.

Okay, the birthday post. Not very original, but a letter to my girl feels right.

My dear Sunshine,

My bright, shining star! It’s so hard to believe you’re one. It feels like just the other day you were doing high kicks in my belly. My sweet, sassy girl, I love you more than I thought possible.

I think back on the night you were born. Oh, Sunshine! How you howled when the doctor took you out. It took less than five minutes for them to hand you to me, but you cried loudly until you were in my arms. I called out to you, “Hi Baby, Mama’s right here.” I still say that to you when you’re in your exersaucer or high chair and I have to go to the next room to do something. You don’t like it when you can’t see me, so I reassure you. “Mama’s right here.” But that first night, as soon as I held you, you stopped crying. We looked at each other. It was perfect. I stroked your soft cheek with one finger, and marveled at my little miracle.

My little love, you were my Velcro baby. You wanted to be held close to me ALL THE TIME. I could not deny you that. I loved having you fall asleep on my chest. You still do it sometimes, and I still love it. You even let me know your preference for closeness in the hospital. You did not like the bassinet, you were quite clear about that.

As sleep deprived as I have been the last year, it has also flown by. You are just bursting with personality. From the time you were very small, it was obvious that you would beam with pride when you learned to do something new. I remember the first time you grabbed my arm when I was changing your diaper. You looked up at me with an expression that so clearly said, “Look what I can do!” Now if people ask you how old you are, you gleefully hold up one finger.

There are certainly difficult moments, like when you are overtired and fighting sleep as if it were the enemy. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do to soothe you then. I wish you were a better sleeper, but you are such a happy, healthy child, that I’m not sweating that. You’ll get there in your own time. And the poopy explosions. Oh, I do not like those! And they are even harder because you don’t like to lie still for diaper changes. Trying to flip over or stand up while Mommy is trying to clean the poop off you is not helpful, my dear. You absolutely HATE, HATE, HATE it when I go anywhere near your nose. Sorry, sweetheart, but screaming isn’t going to make me leave that snot bubble you’re blowing alone. I will stop wiping your nose when you learn to take care of a drippy nose yourself. I think it’s going to be a while.

You have a great sense of humor. But, sweetie, I know you think it’s funny to blow raspberries with a mouthful of food, but Mommy doesn’t like that one. It’s so hard to be stern and not laugh, but good table manners are important, and other people don’t want to be splattered with your spinach. On the other hand, your laugh is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

You are such a charmer. Everywhere we go people comment about how beautiful you are. Then you smile or wave or blow kisses. And they are completely wrapped around your chubby little finger. Your kisses, my Sunshine, oh, your kisses just slay me. Again, you are so proud of what you can do. You press your mouth against my cheek, then pull back saying, “Mwah!” Then you grin! Pleased as punch.

I am so lucky to be your mommy. I love learning about you. I watch you when you’re sleeping, and I’m overcome with emotion. Sometimes I can’t resist holding a hand or a foot while you sleep, and marveling over the perfection of your tiny palm or your sweet little toes. I look forward to seeing you master so many new things. I hate the thought of you ever being hurt, but I know that’s part of life. I can’t protect you from all the bumps and bruises to come. I particularly wish I could protect you from having your feelings hurt. I can’t. I can only do my best to help you be a confident little girl, and then a confident woman. It’s a great big, scary, wonderful world out there. Part of my job as your mommy is to give you the wings to fly. I don’t want to think about right now. Maybe next year. Right now I just want to hold you close. Give you lots of kisses as you giggle like crazy. I’m so happy to be your mommy. I love you to the moon and back and more.

Love,

Mama  

How Do You Do It?

HALP!! I can't keep up with my interwebz.

Between work, my almost toddler, and trying (unsuccessfully) to get enough sleep, I can't keep up with my peeps. I am woefully behind in reading dear friends' blogs. Much less commenting. Forget about Twitter. I don't think I've read a tweet in over a month. The long Thanksgiving weekend set me back even further. We were at my mother's, where I couldn't access a neighbor's unsecured network I usually use. I could generally "see" the network, but the signal was not strong enough to connect. So I got my mother a router at Staples on Black Friday, which I tried (unsuccessfully) to configure for the rest of the weekend. After a loooooooong time on the phone with tech support, it was determined that I need an extra ethernet cable to configure the network.

Anyway, this is a rather long winded way of saying, sorry I've been MIA. I want to write a birthday post for Sunshine. I can't believe she turned one on Monday!! In the meantime, here's her first "school" picture.

Heartbreakingly Awful

Mo and Will of Life and Love in the Petri Dish are dealing with the devastating loss of pregnancy number 6. I'm heartbroken for them. Mo's D&C is scheduled for today. Go give them some love and let them know you're thinking of them.

No Nursery For Miss Sunshine

I’m a WINNER! I was thrilled to win a $45 gift card for CSN Stores from Kristin at The Dragondreamer’s Lair. If you don’t know about CSN, you should. CSN Stores has over 200 online stores where you can find everything from beautiful wallets (like the one Kristin reviewed), to modern extra tall bar stools, or great cookware! I’m planning to use it for a new toaster oven. I know, not exciting, but necessary. I’m debating between a Hamilton Beach and a Proctor-Silex. If anyone has one that they LOVE (or hate), please tell me.

When I was pregnant with Sunshine I got a lot of questions about nursery décor. Ummm, we live in a one bedroom apartment. No nursery. Happily, we will (hopefully) soon be moving into a two bedroom apartment. YAY for no more diaper changes in the living room! And I get to decorate a room for my daughter. I am hoping we will be in the new place by her first birthday, which is in a few weeks. My plan is not nursery décor, but a little girl’s room she can grow with. CSN has offered me the opportunity to review an item from their sites, which they will provide. I haven’t decided yet, but I’m leaning towards one of these.

 WallCandy Arts RoCoco Chalkboard Removable Wall Decal

JoJo Designs Bumble Bee Window Panels

Cool! Now I still need Nate!