Mel’s Show and Tell — The Kindness of Strangers

I haven’t participated in Show and Tell for a while, but I’ve been meaning to post about this.

I have been very blessed on this journey. Of course it’s been hard. Physically and emotionally. But had I not had gone down this difficult road to motherhood, I would not have known all of YOU! A woman who started out as stranger who read my blog, gave me the ultimate gift of life and has become family. I had thousands of dollars worth of gonal-f donated to me that enabled me to have my “closure” cycle with my eggs. I’ve received thoughtful gifts from other bloggers. (YAY for lucky socks!) And, oh my! Let’s not forget the massage therapist who came to my hotel room the night before my first donor FET courtesy of a blogger. Oh, I know I’m forgetting things, but those are not the focus of the story I want to tell today.

I talk to strangers. On checkout lines, on the subway, elevators, etc. While on the subway on my way to my little vacation in August, I struck up a conversation with a sweet 8 year old girl and her father. We started chatting on the platform and continued talking on the train. During the conversation I mentioned that I most of the big things for baby girl have been hand me downs. Which I am quite happy about. Infant things get outgrown so quickly, they often show no wear at all. (Not to mention the environmental benefit of not getting everything new.) I mentioned a neighbor I became friends with at the local Starbux who passed on the infant car seat and stroller frame, and a bouncy seat that her daughter has outgrown. (She’ll be at my shower this weekend, and next weekend I’ll attend her daughter’s first birthday party.) The father said, “You know, we have a stroller that we never used. We took it out of the box, but my wife preferred to carry her. I’d be happy to give it to you.” I was kind of stunned, but took his email address. After I got back from my trip I kept meaning to email him, but usually thought about it when I was not at the computer. Eventually I did email him, and about two weeks ago he brought the stroller over. He wasn’t kidding when he said they NEVER used it. It still has plastic wrapped around the handle.

I don’t have a picture of the actual stroller, as I wrapped it in plastic and put it in my basement storage room for now. But with a quick google images search, I found a photo.


This lovely former stranger simply requested that I email him a picture of the baby once she arrives. No problem!!

The world is a good place!

Don’t forget to check what the rest of the class is showing.

What A Difference A Year Makes

One year ago today I wrote this post. I’d just gotten word that a possible embryo donation situation was not meant to be. I was still trying to complete one IVF cycle with my poor old eggs, even though I knew my chances of success were well under 5%. I felt rejected and dejected.

So I wrote about how I was feeling. I asked how people would feel about donating embryos to a single woman. As you can see, I received thoughtful, caring comments. One of those commenters has changed my life completely. (This is such an understatement! When I first read the comment I felt heartened, but I truly had no expectations that it would lead anywhere. Three days later I received an email from her basically saying, “Let’s talk.” Did we ever!

Today I am merely weeks from meeting this gift. Today this gift is doing a dance routine in my uterus. There is so much more to say, but words simply can’t do justice to my overwhelming feelings.

WHAT A YEAR!!!!

Darling daughter, would you please stop kicking mommy in the stomach?

Sorry, this is kind of gross.

First time barfing during this pregnancy, and it's in the third trimester! Baby girl is head down and likes to stretch out. I'm short, so her feet have been right up against my stomach and diaphragm. My reflux had been under control until recently (thank you, nexium), but no more. Particularly when I lie down. Once I lay down, I've been regurgitating. Even when it's been quite a while since I ate. I've raised the head of the bed a bit, which was helping somewhat. But for some reason, last night was bad. I kept having to sit up quickly as I felt the gorge rise. Then at one point it was too much ... mad dash for the porcelain.

Is this what I get for dodging morning sickness?

32 Week Update — A Personal Milestone

Sorry I haven’t updated or kept up much with commenting. Been busy at work, then either crashing when I get home or decluttering/cleaning. Boy, do I have a lot of crap I don’t need or use. I’m not a hoarder by nature, but stuff just accumulates so quickly.

So, 32 week appt and u/s yesterday. I really don’t look 32 weeks pregnant. I’m not a skinny girl, and never expected to be carrying small, but I guess you never know. Even my OB said I don’t look like I’m 32 weeks. I still have no idea what I weigh (I don’t want to know what I gained from treatments and stress while TTC), but I have gained 19 lbs since my first OB appt. (I get on the scale backwards and have the nurse just tell me the difference since the last appt.)

Ultrasound was after OB appt. Even thought the belly is small, baby girl is measuring perfectly. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I was a preemie. I was born at 32 weeks and weighed 4 lbs. The u/s tech estimated my daughter at about 4 lbs, 4 oz yesterday. 60th percentile. I know it’s just an estimate, but it feels good to think that she’s already a little bigger than I was when I entered the world. Even though I know it doesn't correlate that a preemie would have a preemie, I'm relieved to get this far and have her looking so good.

Placenta has moved up a little bit. Tech said she would call it “low lying” rather than previa. But she’s not the dr. I put in a call this morning to have my OB call me to discuss the u/s results. Haven’t heard back yet. Next u/s and first NST scheduled for 4 weeks from now.

OMG!!! I’M GOING TO HAVE A BAYBEEEEE!!!! I suppose I should realize that from the way she’s rockin’ and rollin’ in there, but it still feels surreal. Watching my belly move is really strange (and wonderful).

I’m getting excited about my shower. It’s less than 2 weeks away. I’m looking forward to celebrating this miracle. My BFF (since we were 14) is hosting, but I designed the invite (and printed them on the color laser printer at work). I’m rather proud of how they came out, so here it is with pertinent info blurred out.


My feet are AWFUL!! So bad yesterday that I used a cane to go to work today. Don’t really think the cane helps much, but it might help me get that seat on the subway. Come on … ya gotta get up for the preggo with a cane!!!

So that’s the deal on Dora’s Bump Watch, etc. What’s up with you? BTW, I got a really cute (BRAND NEW) maternity coat on ebay. (Bought it in August, so it would be cheaper.) If anyone thinks they’ll be just about ready for a maternity coat in January, let me know. I should be able to fit into my regular Winter coat fairly quickly and would be happy to pass it on to someone who can use it for the rest of the season.

MINE!!

I think Wilson likes baby girl's swing.

Presents Are FUN!

Considering I am becoming a mom having bypassed the wedding and accompanying bridal shower, I have to say, I am LOVING receiving baby gifts! I have already received gifts from two awesome bloggers. (BTW, you two, thank you notes are coming. I have some in my desk at work and some in my purse. I really don’t have a good excuse, but I will write them and mail them.)

I had a difficult day at work today. We’re working on some things for the big bosses, and whenever we do, my boss gets VERY uptight. I’m uncomfortable and cranky, add my boss’s anxiety to that mix and I get even crankier! So, I’m dragging myself home on my poor, sore feet, and to my delight, find a big box waiting for me in front of my apartment door. Baby girl’s beautiful, fancy, shmancy swing!!! Miss Strawberry Shortcake and I are so lucky and so loved. This past Saturday I got a phone call from a very dear friend saying that she and her daughter were looking at my registry (ummm, actually one of them, I have three, ‘cause I’m just a nut (more on that later)), and wanted to know if it was okay to buy a fancier swing than the one I registered for. How sweet is that!?!? The swing that arrived today is absolutely beautiful! I will leave it in the box for now, so the cats don’t appropriate it. I’m sure there will be a steady stream of visitors coming over to meet my girl when she comes home, I figure I will put one of them to work assembling the swing.

So, here’s the part of the post where I ask the internets for advice and opinions. About all the baby stuff! Most of the big items I'm getting as hand me downs. That truly suits me just fine. I’m so thrilled about finally having the child I’ve wanted … well, FOREVER, that having all brand, spanking, new baby stuff just isn’t important. I registered for the least expensive swing because, as much as I enjoy presents, some friends and family members are struggling in this difficult economy. About my nutty three registries: I first registered at one of the big chains (went to the store with my family, my niece insisted on being in charge of the scanner), but then I was talking to a friend who said I should register with the other big baby chain, because some people prefer to go to the store rather than shopping online, and this chain has more locations. Then, because I really am not a big chain store fan, I registered on Wishpot.com after reading about it on Lori and Chicklet’s All Thumbs Reviews blog. Wishpot is awesome! You download a button to your browser, then you can be on any website (YAY, Etsy!) and just click the button to add items to your list. So tell me dear mom friends, since I’m basically covered for the big stuff, what odds and ends did you find invaluable? Any toy that your baby was particularly captivated by? For instance, my friend who got me the swing said her kids loved the Lamaze mirror. Something I wouldn’t have thought of.

Looking forward to your suggestions!

Inclusive Yet Sensitive. What Would You Do? *UPDATED*

Oh, my ALI compatriots, I need your advice. My baby shower will probably be in about 4 1/2 weeks (still firming this up with my friend who’s hosting). We all know how difficult baby showers can be when still struggling with family building. For the most part, this is not an issue for most of the friends I am inviting. But there are a few. I’ve read blog posts and posts on message boards about some people really feeling hurt when not invited to these events (even if they didn’t want to attend). They did not like being treated as too fragile to handle it, and felt excluded. So … I want to invite these friends, but I also want to somehow be VERY CLEAR that it’s absolutely fine if they decline the invitation. As much as I would love having them there, I do not want to cause them any pain. I know these friends are happy for me, but in no way does that mitigate their pain.

My thought was to send them individual emails just before the invitations go out, letting them know to expect the invite, and that I COMPLETELY understand if they don’t want to come. I would also like to give them some options, like waiting until the last minute to decide if they’re feeling up to attending, or dropping by briefly if they’re comfortable with that. There will be yummy food. My friend, Donor Daddy, will be making frittatas with eggs from the chickens on his farm, and there will be booze (I’m thinking makings for mimosas).

What do you think? Any suggestions for the emails?

*UPDATED in response to comments from Niki and BabySmiling*

There will absolutely be NO STUPID SHOWER GAMES!!! Ewwwww! Barf! My BFF, who is hosting the shower, had her DE son last Fall. There were no games at her shower. I will remind her that I don't want such things, but I can't imagine her planning for them. I was kind of shocked at her bridal shower 2 years earlier, when a friend insisted on making the paper plate/ribbons and bows from presents hat. Puleeeeeze!

And there will be other non-moms there. It will be a nice, Sunday brunch. No silly baby decor or favors.