Inclusive Yet Sensitive. What Would You Do? *UPDATED*

Oh, my ALI compatriots, I need your advice. My baby shower will probably be in about 4 1/2 weeks (still firming this up with my friend who’s hosting). We all know how difficult baby showers can be when still struggling with family building. For the most part, this is not an issue for most of the friends I am inviting. But there are a few. I’ve read blog posts and posts on message boards about some people really feeling hurt when not invited to these events (even if they didn’t want to attend). They did not like being treated as too fragile to handle it, and felt excluded. So … I want to invite these friends, but I also want to somehow be VERY CLEAR that it’s absolutely fine if they decline the invitation. As much as I would love having them there, I do not want to cause them any pain. I know these friends are happy for me, but in no way does that mitigate their pain.

My thought was to send them individual emails just before the invitations go out, letting them know to expect the invite, and that I COMPLETELY understand if they don’t want to come. I would also like to give them some options, like waiting until the last minute to decide if they’re feeling up to attending, or dropping by briefly if they’re comfortable with that. There will be yummy food. My friend, Donor Daddy, will be making frittatas with eggs from the chickens on his farm, and there will be booze (I’m thinking makings for mimosas).

What do you think? Any suggestions for the emails?

*UPDATED in response to comments from Niki and BabySmiling*

There will absolutely be NO STUPID SHOWER GAMES!!! Ewwwww! Barf! My BFF, who is hosting the shower, had her DE son last Fall. There were no games at her shower. I will remind her that I don't want such things, but I can't imagine her planning for them. I was kind of shocked at her bridal shower 2 years earlier, when a friend insisted on making the paper plate/ribbons and bows from presents hat. Puleeeeeze!

And there will be other non-moms there. It will be a nice, Sunday brunch. No silly baby decor or favors.