Too cool for school? Wanted to share the cuteness.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
She Said WHAT?!?!
As my readers peeps are aware, although I gestated and got sliced open to have my daughter, she is not the product of my 40 something ovaries. I have zero shame about that. In fact, I’m kind of proud of the obstacles that were overcome to bring her into the world and make me a mom. I have every intention of being open with Sunshine about her conception. Even though she’s only 10 months old (on Wednesday!), I sometimes talk to her about all the people who helped me become her mom—Aunt Kathy (our embryo donor), a whole bunch of doctors in two countries, and all her internet aunties who were so supportive during the process. But still … I am sometimes at a loss as to what to say to random people who ask where she gets her red hair. Right now it’s not that important, but as she gets older and understands more, I want to be able to respond in a way that’s both truthful, but simple and not invasive. I would welcome and greatly appreciate suggestions.
A little over a week ago I had an encounter that still has me shaking my head in disbelief. We went to synagogue for Yom Kippur services. We were hanging out in a hallway, since Sunshine was being too noisy and wouldn’t sit still. Apparently lots of people couldn’t sit still, as there was quite a bit of foot traffic. One older woman walked by a few times. She was obviously captivated by my cute, social baby, and chatted with us. Then she leaned in to Sunshine and said, “You must look like your Daddy, since you don’t look at all like your Mommy.” WTF! But I took a deep breath, and since she didn’t say it with any malice, I explained about Sunshine’s conception. Her reaction to this was fine, and she told me she knew someone whose sister was a gestational carrier for her. (Of course she didn’t use that term. We can’t expect outsiders to know all the lingo.) THEN (and here’s what I really am having trouble letting go of) she looked at Sunshine and said, “She’s got a shiksa face.” Again, none of this was said with any malice, but what in the world would make her think this was in any way appropriate?
The thought of comments like this causing Sunshine any angst in the future is awful. She is my daughter. Period. As any donor conceived child is their parents’ child. Or any child who is adopted. We know that. MOST people know that. But how do we protect our children from that minority of ignorant or thoughtless people?
A little over a week ago I had an encounter that still has me shaking my head in disbelief. We went to synagogue for Yom Kippur services. We were hanging out in a hallway, since Sunshine was being too noisy and wouldn’t sit still. Apparently lots of people couldn’t sit still, as there was quite a bit of foot traffic. One older woman walked by a few times. She was obviously captivated by my cute, social baby, and chatted with us. Then she leaned in to Sunshine and said, “You must look like your Daddy, since you don’t look at all like your Mommy.” WTF! But I took a deep breath, and since she didn’t say it with any malice, I explained about Sunshine’s conception. Her reaction to this was fine, and she told me she knew someone whose sister was a gestational carrier for her. (Of course she didn’t use that term. We can’t expect outsiders to know all the lingo.) THEN (and here’s what I really am having trouble letting go of) she looked at Sunshine and said, “She’s got a shiksa face.” Again, none of this was said with any malice, but what in the world would make her think this was in any way appropriate?
The thought of comments like this causing Sunshine any angst in the future is awful. She is my daughter. Period. As any donor conceived child is their parents’ child. Or any child who is adopted. We know that. MOST people know that. But how do we protect our children from that minority of ignorant or thoughtless people?
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