I've been anticipating that questions might come soon. Our SMC/ART/3rd party reproduction story is even more complicated than most. I have been and plan to continue to be open with Sunshine about how our family came to be. Her little BFF was almost three when she asked her mom if Sunshine has a daddy. (She simply said, no, their family doesn't have a daddy.) Sunshine is nearly two and a half. We have lots of different kinds of families in our circle of friends. I recently got her The Family Book. But I still had to think quickly recently when Sunshine was scrolling through photos on my iPod and came across a picture of her siblings at around the age she is now. She pointed to her sister, and said, "Dat's Sunshine." "No, honey. That's J, your sister." "Who's dat?" she asked, pointing to her brother. "That's your brother, E. They live with their mommy in Canada." Then she scrolled on to look at more pictures of herself.
She's certainly heard me discuss her origins with other people. I'm often asked where she gets her red hair. I gauge the particular situation in deciding what to say. When I do feel comfortable telling our story, the most common reaction is how wonderfully incredible it is. Other moms (fertiles, too) get teary. I tell Sunshine how happy I am to be her mommy and that she's my miracle. One morning last week we were cuddling in bed and I asked if she was mommy's big girl. "No," she said. "Are you my little girl?" "No." "Are you mommy's baby?" "No." "Are mommy's miracle?" "Yeah!"
I've thought about whether using the words brother and sister would be confusing to her, but in reading and hearing the adult donor conceived children speak at the big SMC event, that seems to be donor siblings preference for language. And our children are full genetic siblings. Conceived the very same day. Pretty fucking amazing!