HELP! Mom Advice, Please. QUICK!

Okay. I'm 48 years old and I'm hosting a child's birthday party on Saturday for the first time in my life! What the hell can I get for the damn goodie bags? Seriously, I hate them. I've given Sunshine a lollipop from a goodie bag, then discretely "forgetten" the rest. But everybody does it. I've had moms tell me they like picking out the plastic crap, because the kids love it so much. Part of the challenge is that there will be a somewhat wide age range of kids. A 3 month old, an 18 month old, three 2 year olds (including mine (you've got give your own kid a goodie bag so they won't freak out)), a 3 year old,  a 4 year old, and a 10 year old. I'm not planning on giving a goodie bag to the 3 month old.

What can I get that's cheap budget conscious, isn't made in China, and might appeal to a wide age range. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow to get everything ready. I plan to hit the local discount stores (of which we have many, I live in the land of the mom and pop dollar stores) for decorations, plates, napkins, etc. in the morning after dropping off Sunshine at daycare. Then grocery shopping. I can go out for goody bag crap probably early afternoon. Help me, internetz!!

Any other cheap budget conscious toddler party ideas would also be welcome.

TWO!!!!

Happy birthday my precious, precious girl! (A day late.)

I can’t believe my tiny baby is TWO! A big girl who loves her kitties and her friends, who can run around and climb playground equipment, and who will tell anyone who’ll listen about “hawsies” that go “uppy down.”

Two years ago I was making my way to the hospital for your arrival. My birthday letter to you last year was about a baby. I don’t have a baby anymore. In your second year of life you became a toddler. A little girl. Your words started coming, and now you are learning new ones every day. You love to sing and dance, and you are SO funny! I wrote last year about your sense of humor. Little did I know! You started making jokes almost as soon as you could talk. One of your first words was cat. Then you called all animals “cat.” Even once you surely knew better. You would point to all the dogs in our neighborhood and shout, “CAT!” But you knew better. You’d get this little gleam in your eyes when you’d say it. Sometimes you would do the sign for dog, and say cat. Sometimes, to let you know I got your joke, I’d say, “Oh, Sunshine, you know that’s a doggie.” And you would smile and point again, and say, “CAT, CAT, CAT!” Now, of course, you know what so many animals are called. Your elephant impression, complete with your arm as the trunk, is adorable. A few carousel rides, and you’re obsessed with “hawsies!”

Right now Mommy is nervous about your upcoming surgery. On December 16th, you’re scheduled to have your tonsils and adenoids removed and ear tubes put in your ears. I’m so sorry that Mommy is distracted by this right now. I know you need this, but Mommy hates the idea of you being in pain. When you are older Mommy will show you a video of how loud your snoring was, and that you had sleep apnea because your adenoids and tonsils were so big. And as much as I’m dreading this, I’m looking forward to you hearing better. Right now, because of the constant fluid in your middle ears, you have about a 20-30% hearing loss. So, although you understand EVERYTHING, your speech is sometimes garbled. Soon you will be much easier to understand, and we will both be less frustrated. I know you have a lot to say!

You are a smart, sassy, affectionate, strong-willed, little girl. Strangers practically swoon when you smile at them. Last week, when you ran behind the counter at Starbux, I apologized to the barista, who said, “It’s okay. She’s so cute, she can have whatever she wants.” And he gave you a free goodie. You are so loved! And you know it! You have a confidence that I imagine comes from feeling so cherished. I hope you never lose that.

You still sometimes give me a hard time with diaper changes. Seriously, sometimes you scream so loudly someone might think I’m torturing you instead of just wiping poop off your tush. You are so smart and funny, but you are also a typical toddler in some ways. Your favorite words are NO and MINE! NO sometimes seems like your default answer to any question. But when I offer you something you want, your eyes light up, and you give me an enthusiastic “YEAH!”

At some point I think you might notice that you don’t have as many toys as some of your friends. I’m writing this for you to read when you’re older, and I want you to know and understand that this is a conscious choice. Even though it’s fun to give you new toys, I would rather you have toys that you really love and enjoy, than an overabundance. Yesterday we went to a play date at a friend’s house and you emptied a LARGE plastic bin of toys one at a time and didn’t play with any of them. This reinforced my belief that more is sometimes less. You certainly have plenty to play with at home, and never seem bored. I think not having so many toys spurs you to use your imagination. I love watching your imagination develop.

Oh, my sweet girl! I could go on and on, but I’ll just finish by saying that you are my joy. My life went from gray to technicolor with your arrival. Your smile, your laughter, your hugs and kisses … THE BEST!

With all my love forever,

Mommy

I Need To Work On This

Yesterday was a toddler rollercoaster of a day. Almost two is hard … for both of us. Sunshine started off the day in destructo toddler mode. All her books thrown on the floor, then all her wooden puzzles, the pieces thrown all over, then she started throwing around her mega blocks. At one point I picked up her puzzles and put them back on her bookshelf. “Noooooooooooooo!” she screamed, and threw them all over the floor again.

My awesome 10 year old mother’s helper came over at 10:15. We have a great arrangement. She comes over for two hours on Sunday mornings and plays with Sunshine in her room (with the door closed so she can’t see mommy), so I can get some chores done. She gets $5 an hour for this. It’s awesome! Yesterday I didn’t really do much in the way of chores, I relaxed a bit with my coffee, took a shower, and got myself ready to go out without a toddler hanging on me. At the end of the two hours Sunshine’s room was tidy, and she’d had a great time.

I gave Sunshine lunch, organized the diaper bag, and off we went for the afternoon. Yesterday was the Bolivian Day parade in our neighborhood, so we watched the dancers for a while, which she loved, then hit the subway. I was hoping she’d nap on the way to Manhattan, but no go. I'd told her in the morning that I would take her to ride a horsey on a carousel. She kept excitedly saying “horsey!” But when we got within sight of the carousel in Bryant Park, she started bouncing like crazy in her stroller, pumping her fists, shouting “HORSEY!!” She had a great time! She rode the carousel THREE times! I was planning to move on after the second ride, but she had a poopy diaper, and I convinced her to cooperate with the diaper change by telling her if she cooperated she could ride a horsey again. Shortly after this she finally fell asleep in her stroller. It was about 3:25. Late for her nap, but my plan was to keep moving, so she wouldn’t take too long a nap so close to bedtime. (At daycare she reliably naps from 12:30 to 2:30. On the weekends, all bets are off. She fights naps like they are the devil.) While she was asleep we headed uptown and with her both napping, then awake, we wandered around the Upper West Side.

We really had a lovely afternoon out together. It was a perfect Autumn afternoon. She’d had enough of the stroller on the subway ride home, but I managed to entertain her well enough that she didn’t melt down. When we got home, Sunshine’s friend who lives around the corner came over with her mom for a brief play date. She started throwing things on the floor again. Grrr!

After they left (mini meltdown when they left, as Sunshine HATES goodbyes), I was getting her dinner ready. In my defense regarding what came next, the pain killer I’d taken for my back earlier in the day had worn off, and I try not to take more than one a day, so I was in pain, tired, and hungry. There was a container with food I’d just warmed up on the kitchen table. I turned just in time to see Sunshine grab it off the table. “Nooooooooooo!” I screamed. But it was too late. The food was all over the floor, and splashed on the table and chair legs. I kind of lost it. I yelled at Sunshine about how she needed to listen better. I told her to go to her room (mainly to keep her from walking through the mess while I cleaned it up). I am not proud of the way I yelled at her while I cleaned up the mess. Dinnertime was not easy. We were both cranky. Bedtime wasn’t too bad. We had some good cuddling, and she was really tired, so went to sleep fairly easily.

It wasn’t until a couple of hours later, when I’d decompressed a bit that the guilt and remorse crept in. She’s not even two years old yet. Kids spill things. Yes, she probably knew she shouldn’t have grabbed the container, but she didn’t spill it on purpose. Unlike the way she was throwing things around her room, this was an accident. Mom fail.

This morning I talked to her about it. I told her I knew she didn’t do it on purpose and said I was sorry I yelled at her. She patted my face and gave me a hug. I hope she understood my apology.

SMC’s 30th Anniversary Celebration/Conference

The Single Moms by Choice organization is celebrating its 30th anniversary with a conference in New York City October 14-16th. Are you going? I would love to meet up with SMC bloggers and their children. I'm particularly looking forward to the panel of adult children of SMCs. I look forward to learning some things from them about how to talk to Sunshine about our special family. Also looking forward to meeting Wendy and Ryan Kramer, the founders of the Donor Sibling Registry, who will be speaking on a panel.

Please email me or leave a comment here if you'll be attending.

Perfect Moment Monday: “I Yuv You”

OH! EM! GEE! TODDLERS!!! They're crazy, little maniacs. By the time I get my Sunshine to sleep I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. The wailing because I dare to try to wipe the crap off her tush! Then, on the floor, bare-assed, screaming and crying because I want her to get in the tub. The screeches of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” when it’s time to get out of the tub. But then there are the heart melting moments.

I'm so glad Lori has revived Perfect Moment Monday. I want to write this one down. A treasure of a moment.

Saturday evening I was standing at the kitchen counter getting Sunshine’s dinner ready. She climbed onto a kitchen chair (I HATE the climbing, but these chairs are very heavy and would be hard to tip), stood there holding onto the chair back and called to me.

“Mommy! Mommy!”

“Yes, Sunshine.”

“I yuv you.”

Totally perfect!

BTW, this is the very first time she's said this unprompted. With prompting, she will say, "Yuv you," but this was all her initiative, and a full sentence including the proper pronoun. I'm so proud! OH! I love this girl so much!

"Hey! I had a chocolate cookie in my hand just a second ago. Where did it go?"

September 12th

I thought about writing a post this weekend. Nap time isn't long enough, and I'm to wiped out after Sunshine gets to sleep. We stayed close to home this weekend, and Sunshine probably got a few more hugs and kisses than usual.

I avoided much of the tv coverage. I haven't read many of the blog posts. Although, the few I did read mention watching the events of that day and crying. Not me. I watched in horror. Then I went down there to help. Still no tears. I spend quite a bit of time volunteering at Ground Zero, and honestly, I don't ever remember seeing tears. Anguish, horror, fatigue, shock, but no tears. It took me a year to shed those tears. They rolled down my face on the first anniversary when I saw the empty pit. The pit that had been a pile of burning, smoking rubble, many stories high. I watched just a little of the ceremony yesterday morning. I held Sunshine for as long as she would allow me, and my eyes filled with tears as I listened to voices cracking with emotion as the names were read. I listened for the name of a friend's brother-in-law, who they believe died at the moment of the second plane's impact. Then I shut the tv.

Here is the post I wrote for Mel's One Hundred Words Project on September 11th, 2008. And here's a longer post I wrote on September 12th, 2008. Also, please click over to read this amazing post by Journeywoman. It's stuck with me for three years.

Oh, and I received an interesting phone call at about a quarter to ten last night. Not sure I'll write about it, but you might be able to figure out who called from my 2008 post.

And The Painted Ponies Go Up And Down

It's hard to believe my tiny baby will be 2 years old in less than 3 months. After posting her cranky picture, I thought I'd show you more of my happy girl. She really is such a happy toddler. She wakes up with a big smile in the morning. It's so easy to make her giggle. Sunshine truly is a fitting blog name for her. She is radiant.

 Her first carousel ride in Central Park. I took a bunch of pictures before the ride started, then held her for most of the ride.

Once she seemed secure on the horse, I stepped back a bit and took this video.

 I love this picture. She's so happy at the playground.

 Don't you just want to smooch her like crazy?

 She LOVES the penguins at the Central Park Zoo.

 How cute is she strutting around the playground with her purse?