Mysterious Ways

The internet works in mysterious and wonderful ways. My readers friends know that my daughter would not be here were it not for connecting with my donor, Kathy, on my blog. I'm often overcome with emotion when I look at my daughter and think about the fact that she's here in the world, in my life, grew in my body, because someone, who was a stranger at the time, read of my longing to be a mother and decided to help.

A few weeks ago I received a comment here asking me to email the reader, as she wanted to ask me a question. I did and received an email from Heather Von St James, a mom and a cancer survivor. She was reaching out to me as a mom asking if I would consider putting up a link to her blog as a resource for other parents who might be dealing with a serious illness while parenting young children. Heather was diagnosed with mesothelioma when her daughter was just 3 1/2 months old. Mesothelioma is virulent form of cancer caused by exposure to asbestos. There is absolutely no way Heather could have possibly known that my father died of mesothelioma a few weeks before my 17th birthday. The prognosis for mesothelioma is grim. I have never before known a survivor. Six years after her diagnosis, Heather is cancer free. She is a survivor! Every day she spends with her daughter is a blessing she wasn’t sure she’d have. She has written eloquently of her experiences. From realizing she was having serious symptoms, through her diagnosis, aggressive surgery, and treatments, Heather focused on surviving for her daughter.

This quote from Heather shows what kind of warrior Heather is:

“When I found out I had mesothelioma, I easily could have given up after reading statistics on the disease. The survival rate was dismal (2%) It’s not very encouraging to read when you are diagnosed with a disease, but instead of giving up, I made up my mind; SOMEONE has to be in that 2%. That someone was going to be me. And now, almost 6 years later, I am considered a long-term survivor. My attitude is this; I survived for a reason, to spread hope and awareness about mesothelioma.”

Heather is one of us. Those of us who have defied the odds and become mothers despite infertility and/or loss and blog about it. Those who are still battling to cross over to motherhood. We share our stories. We never know who we may touch. Who will find hope in our success or tenacity. We connect. We abide by each other during hard times. We hit refresh dozens of times a day when a bloggy friend is waiting for test results. And we celebrate each other’s victories.

Heather asked if I wanted to write a tribute to my father. I’m not finding the words. My daughter is my tribute to my father. She is named for him. Oh, how he would have adored her! Here are a few pictures of me and my father. Then please go click over to Heather’s blog and get to know this amazing woman.

I am one here.

My father scared the crap out of me by renting a clown costume for my 5th birthday.
My father felt awful, but I got over it fairly quickly.

I think I'm about seven here. Wow, did I need braces! That's some overbite.

 
 Visit Heather's Blog

Chocolate Update

Thanks for the responses. It was funny and irritating. But, truly, I waited a long time for a mommy problem like this. It's still kind of surreal, like when I find stray crayons in my purse. I kept thinking this would be a perfect thing to tweet, but I honestly can't keep up with twitter. Whenever I go on twitter I just get caught up reading everyone elses tweets and hardly write any myself. I did find the chocolate. I hid it quickly when we got home Saturday because my little helper decided she wanted to help me put away our purchases.

I hadn't noticed them getting smaller, but now I have to try freezing one. I never thought of that, and I do enjoy some candy bars frozen.

Hoping I'll have more time to blog soon. In the meantime, I'm busy blogstalking Mo, waiting for beta number three. Please let this be the one for them!

Halp! I hid the C@dbury eggs from my daughter ...

and now I can't find them. My first ones of the season. Where would you be if you were a C@dbury creme egg?

Sorry for the drive by, but seriously, this was going to be my exciting Saturday night treat.

Be Ours

I have much to write and no time or spare energy. So I give you this instead. Mwah from our family to yours.

HELP! Mom Advice, Please. QUICK!

Okay. I'm 48 years old and I'm hosting a child's birthday party on Saturday for the first time in my life! What the hell can I get for the damn goodie bags? Seriously, I hate them. I've given Sunshine a lollipop from a goodie bag, then discretely "forgetten" the rest. But everybody does it. I've had moms tell me they like picking out the plastic crap, because the kids love it so much. Part of the challenge is that there will be a somewhat wide age range of kids. A 3 month old, an 18 month old, three 2 year olds (including mine (you've got give your own kid a goodie bag so they won't freak out)), a 3 year old,  a 4 year old, and a 10 year old. I'm not planning on giving a goodie bag to the 3 month old.

What can I get that's cheap budget conscious, isn't made in China, and might appeal to a wide age range. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow to get everything ready. I plan to hit the local discount stores (of which we have many, I live in the land of the mom and pop dollar stores) for decorations, plates, napkins, etc. in the morning after dropping off Sunshine at daycare. Then grocery shopping. I can go out for goody bag crap probably early afternoon. Help me, internetz!!

Any other cheap budget conscious toddler party ideas would also be welcome.

TWO!!!!

Happy birthday my precious, precious girl! (A day late.)

I can’t believe my tiny baby is TWO! A big girl who loves her kitties and her friends, who can run around and climb playground equipment, and who will tell anyone who’ll listen about “hawsies” that go “uppy down.”

Two years ago I was making my way to the hospital for your arrival. My birthday letter to you last year was about a baby. I don’t have a baby anymore. In your second year of life you became a toddler. A little girl. Your words started coming, and now you are learning new ones every day. You love to sing and dance, and you are SO funny! I wrote last year about your sense of humor. Little did I know! You started making jokes almost as soon as you could talk. One of your first words was cat. Then you called all animals “cat.” Even once you surely knew better. You would point to all the dogs in our neighborhood and shout, “CAT!” But you knew better. You’d get this little gleam in your eyes when you’d say it. Sometimes you would do the sign for dog, and say cat. Sometimes, to let you know I got your joke, I’d say, “Oh, Sunshine, you know that’s a doggie.” And you would smile and point again, and say, “CAT, CAT, CAT!” Now, of course, you know what so many animals are called. Your elephant impression, complete with your arm as the trunk, is adorable. A few carousel rides, and you’re obsessed with “hawsies!”

Right now Mommy is nervous about your upcoming surgery. On December 16th, you’re scheduled to have your tonsils and adenoids removed and ear tubes put in your ears. I’m so sorry that Mommy is distracted by this right now. I know you need this, but Mommy hates the idea of you being in pain. When you are older Mommy will show you a video of how loud your snoring was, and that you had sleep apnea because your adenoids and tonsils were so big. And as much as I’m dreading this, I’m looking forward to you hearing better. Right now, because of the constant fluid in your middle ears, you have about a 20-30% hearing loss. So, although you understand EVERYTHING, your speech is sometimes garbled. Soon you will be much easier to understand, and we will both be less frustrated. I know you have a lot to say!

You are a smart, sassy, affectionate, strong-willed, little girl. Strangers practically swoon when you smile at them. Last week, when you ran behind the counter at Starbux, I apologized to the barista, who said, “It’s okay. She’s so cute, she can have whatever she wants.” And he gave you a free goodie. You are so loved! And you know it! You have a confidence that I imagine comes from feeling so cherished. I hope you never lose that.

You still sometimes give me a hard time with diaper changes. Seriously, sometimes you scream so loudly someone might think I’m torturing you instead of just wiping poop off your tush. You are so smart and funny, but you are also a typical toddler in some ways. Your favorite words are NO and MINE! NO sometimes seems like your default answer to any question. But when I offer you something you want, your eyes light up, and you give me an enthusiastic “YEAH!”

At some point I think you might notice that you don’t have as many toys as some of your friends. I’m writing this for you to read when you’re older, and I want you to know and understand that this is a conscious choice. Even though it’s fun to give you new toys, I would rather you have toys that you really love and enjoy, than an overabundance. Yesterday we went to a play date at a friend’s house and you emptied a LARGE plastic bin of toys one at a time and didn’t play with any of them. This reinforced my belief that more is sometimes less. You certainly have plenty to play with at home, and never seem bored. I think not having so many toys spurs you to use your imagination. I love watching your imagination develop.

Oh, my sweet girl! I could go on and on, but I’ll just finish by saying that you are my joy. My life went from gray to technicolor with your arrival. Your smile, your laughter, your hugs and kisses … THE BEST!

With all my love forever,

Mommy

I Need To Work On This

Yesterday was a toddler rollercoaster of a day. Almost two is hard … for both of us. Sunshine started off the day in destructo toddler mode. All her books thrown on the floor, then all her wooden puzzles, the pieces thrown all over, then she started throwing around her mega blocks. At one point I picked up her puzzles and put them back on her bookshelf. “Noooooooooooooo!” she screamed, and threw them all over the floor again.

My awesome 10 year old mother’s helper came over at 10:15. We have a great arrangement. She comes over for two hours on Sunday mornings and plays with Sunshine in her room (with the door closed so she can’t see mommy), so I can get some chores done. She gets $5 an hour for this. It’s awesome! Yesterday I didn’t really do much in the way of chores, I relaxed a bit with my coffee, took a shower, and got myself ready to go out without a toddler hanging on me. At the end of the two hours Sunshine’s room was tidy, and she’d had a great time.

I gave Sunshine lunch, organized the diaper bag, and off we went for the afternoon. Yesterday was the Bolivian Day parade in our neighborhood, so we watched the dancers for a while, which she loved, then hit the subway. I was hoping she’d nap on the way to Manhattan, but no go. I'd told her in the morning that I would take her to ride a horsey on a carousel. She kept excitedly saying “horsey!” But when we got within sight of the carousel in Bryant Park, she started bouncing like crazy in her stroller, pumping her fists, shouting “HORSEY!!” She had a great time! She rode the carousel THREE times! I was planning to move on after the second ride, but she had a poopy diaper, and I convinced her to cooperate with the diaper change by telling her if she cooperated she could ride a horsey again. Shortly after this she finally fell asleep in her stroller. It was about 3:25. Late for her nap, but my plan was to keep moving, so she wouldn’t take too long a nap so close to bedtime. (At daycare she reliably naps from 12:30 to 2:30. On the weekends, all bets are off. She fights naps like they are the devil.) While she was asleep we headed uptown and with her both napping, then awake, we wandered around the Upper West Side.

We really had a lovely afternoon out together. It was a perfect Autumn afternoon. She’d had enough of the stroller on the subway ride home, but I managed to entertain her well enough that she didn’t melt down. When we got home, Sunshine’s friend who lives around the corner came over with her mom for a brief play date. She started throwing things on the floor again. Grrr!

After they left (mini meltdown when they left, as Sunshine HATES goodbyes), I was getting her dinner ready. In my defense regarding what came next, the pain killer I’d taken for my back earlier in the day had worn off, and I try not to take more than one a day, so I was in pain, tired, and hungry. There was a container with food I’d just warmed up on the kitchen table. I turned just in time to see Sunshine grab it off the table. “Nooooooooooo!” I screamed. But it was too late. The food was all over the floor, and splashed on the table and chair legs. I kind of lost it. I yelled at Sunshine about how she needed to listen better. I told her to go to her room (mainly to keep her from walking through the mess while I cleaned it up). I am not proud of the way I yelled at her while I cleaned up the mess. Dinnertime was not easy. We were both cranky. Bedtime wasn’t too bad. We had some good cuddling, and she was really tired, so went to sleep fairly easily.

It wasn’t until a couple of hours later, when I’d decompressed a bit that the guilt and remorse crept in. She’s not even two years old yet. Kids spill things. Yes, she probably knew she shouldn’t have grabbed the container, but she didn’t spill it on purpose. Unlike the way she was throwing things around her room, this was an accident. Mom fail.

This morning I talked to her about it. I told her I knew she didn’t do it on purpose and said I was sorry I yelled at her. She patted my face and gave me a hug. I hope she understood my apology.