Sunday, June 21, 2009

ICLW Introduction

For past ICLWs I haven’t done intros, since I had a bunch of introductory posts listed on the sidebar of my old blog (which you can access through my profile). Since I started this new space this month I thought I’d try to summarize my story.

Well, to begin with, I’m 15 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow. Wooohoooo! It was a hell of a trip getting here. I’m creating my family as an SMC (Single Mother by Choice). And am blessed and proud to be the recipient of a directed embryo donation. Oh, and I am turning 46 on Friday.

Okay, so to backtrack. Being an SMC wasn’t what I always dreamed of. Shit happens. Or doesn’t, as the case may be. Several long term relationships turned out not to be “the one.” In retrospect, I’m grateful I did not have children with any of them. When I hear about the combative custody issues that friends and family members deal with, I’m grateful I will never put my child through that.

I tried to conceive with my own eggs, but my eggs were clearly past their prime. I responded abysmally to stims. I tried cycling with a close friend as my known sperm donor. My friend and I have known each other since we were teenagers, so some 30 odd years. Even though it didn’t work, I am so glad we tried to do this together. He has now agreed to be the guardian of the child I am carrying. I had many cancelled cycles, due to cysts or lack of response, before I made it to retrieval with 3 follicles. 2 eggs were retrieved and 1 fertilized and made it to transfer on day 3. I was told I had about a 1% chance of getting pregnant from that single embryo from my 45 year old egg. Needless to say, I wasn’t that lucky. But getting that far gave me peace of mind for the next step.

Even before that cycle I was coming to terms with my options. I couldn’t afford donor egg, so began exploring donor embryos. I wasn’t really comfortable with anonymous donor programs. Children have questions. I wanted to be able to provide answers. I discovered a self matching embryo donation website called Miracles Waiting. I met with one woman through this site who had embryos to donate. Turned out she wasn’t really ready to let go of her embryos. I was dejected. I turned to my peeps in this awesome community. I asked a question. “If you had leftover embryos, would you consider donating them to a single woman.” I received so many wonderful, loving comments, including one from my awesome donor, Kathy. A couple of days after leaving her comment, I got an email from her. “Let’s talk,” she said. She had some questions. I answered some by email, some over the phone, and some in a looooong blog post. I poured out my heart. She offered me a chance at motherhood.

It took 2 tries, but I became pregnant from my second frozen embryo transfer. As I have said before, there is really no way to repay this enormous gift. The best I can do is to be the best mother I can be. Thank goodness I have this fabulous community to go to for parenting advice.

33 comments:

Beautiful Mess said...

Happy ICLW! I'm so glad you found Kathy! You two were meant to be in each others lives. Happy 15 weeks!
*HUGS*

Cassandra said...

Happy almost 15 weeks! You know that you're in the best part of pregnancy symptom-wise, right? I hope it feels that way.

Is the parenting advice more or less helpful from someone whose babies are a month older (or more realistically, a month plus some number of weeks, depending on when delivery happens) than yours?

Happy Birthday week!

calliope said...

I still get chocked up reading about your journey. sisterhood unite!!

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. Way to make me cry, Dora :)! So happy to share the journey with you.

Kristin said...

I am so happy for you my friend. And, if you talk to Kathy soon, tell her I miss reading her blog and give her my love.

Bella said...

I am still just so overjoyed for you. You and Kathy are both very special women! I emailed her awhile ago and I hope she's doing well.

battynurse said...

Happy 15 weeks!!! How exciting. So you tried the Miracles Waiting. What did you think of it other than the person you met decided not to donate? I've sort of considered the site but hadn't decided yet if I wanted to spend the money to sign up.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Wow... what an incredible story! I will be back to read more!

~ICLW

Fat Chick said...

Whenever I think of you and Kathy and your story, my faith in humanity is restored.

twondra said...

Awww, love your story! You give me so much hope. Thanks for stopping by my blog. (((HUGS)))

Lexie said...

Woo Hoo! Let's High five for both of us making it 15 weeks!

(Despite my troubles otherwise, I'm getting very into and happy about this pregnancy. And you are so my "cycle buddy" although I didn't know I was cycling at the time.)

And its my birthday on Thursday! Happy 15 weeks and happy birthday to us!

Scrambled Egg said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Best of luck on your pregnancy!!! ICLW

Lavender Luz said...

What a fabulous story, and may the fabulousness continue.

Happy, happy birthday on Friday!

Michelle said...

Wow! What a journey. COngratulations!!!
~Michelle (ICLW)

nutmeg96 said...

Congratulations on your long-awaited pregnancy!

BTW, I had good luck at Motherhood Maternity (before preterm labor negated the need for cute maternity clothes).

ICLW

musicmakermomma said...

Fun to review your story - and happy birthday!! I am so thrilled you are at 15 weeks - time is flying by.

I hope things are going well for Kathy - do you know if she is blogging? You can email me if it isn't info for the whole blogosphere, I seem to have no email for her. Thanks!

WiseGuy said...

Hey Dora, Congrats for the 15 weeks plus! And Happy Birthday!

And I am so glad that I found this community...

Goooood Luck!

ICLW

Selmada said...

15 weeks is wonderfull!!!
Thank you for sharing this story. Its similar to mine in many ways, but unique to you at the same time.
It may not seem it, but time will start to fly and that babe will be in your arms.

Echloe said...

Here you are Dora. I like the new blog.
Can I say I'm so happy that you found your precious baby through another blogger. That is amazing beyond compare.

ICLW

Serendipity said...

congratulations on 15 weeks!
It's so amazing you found someone to help you on this journey.

areyoukiddingme said...

Happy Birthday!

Fran said...

Oh my god, your post had me in tears of joy for you! Happy 15 weeks and I want to thank also people like Kathy who made your dream come true.
Love, Fran

*ICLW*

becomingwhole said...

happy birthday! I hope this year is filled with blessing and joy for you! :) So happy to know you.

Tash said...

Dropping by to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Treat yourself, m'kay? Much love.

gwinne said...

Happy birthday!

Billy said...

! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU !
! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU !
! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR
D~O~R~A
! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU !

Must be a very exciting birthday :-(.

Billy said...

Oops! Should of course been a smiley! (directionality, in Hebrew it would have..)

Cara said...

Missed ICLW this month to sit in the rain on the Cape..(fun though!). 15 WEEKS!!!! OMG!!!! I miss you and your sweet growing belly and we haven't even met yet. Is that weird?

Let's talk soon!!

meandbaby said...

HaPpY bIrThDaY Dora!!! :)

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Awww, your post brought a tear to my eye!

MUCH congrats to you on your BFP!

*ICLW*

Lisa RM said...

Congratulations on getting to this point, and all anyone can do is be the best parent they can.

ICLW

Melissa G said...

This is an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing, you made me all weepy. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Best wishes for a Happy and Healthy nine months!

iclw

Magpie said...

So glad you're doing well - and I hope you had a great birthday.