For past ICLWs I haven’t done intros, since I had a bunch of introductory posts listed on the sidebar of my old blog (which you can access through my profile). Since I started this new space this month I thought I’d try to summarize my story.
Well, to begin with, I’m 15 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow. Wooohoooo! It was a hell of a trip getting here. I’m creating my family as an SMC (Single Mother by Choice). And am blessed and proud to be the recipient of a directed embryo donation. Oh, and I am turning 46 on Friday.
Okay, so to backtrack. Being an SMC wasn’t what I always dreamed of. Shit happens. Or doesn’t, as the case may be. Several long term relationships turned out not to be “the one.” In retrospect, I’m grateful I did not have children with any of them. When I hear about the combative custody issues that friends and family members deal with, I’m grateful I will never put my child through that.
I tried to conceive with my own eggs, but my eggs were clearly past their prime. I responded abysmally to stims. I tried cycling with a close friend as my known sperm donor. My friend and I have known each other since we were teenagers, so some 30 odd years. Even though it didn’t work, I am so glad we tried to do this together. He has now agreed to be the guardian of the child I am carrying. I had many cancelled cycles, due to cysts or lack of response, before I made it to retrieval with 3 follicles. 2 eggs were retrieved and 1 fertilized and made it to transfer on day 3. I was told I had about a 1% chance of getting pregnant from that single embryo from my 45 year old egg. Needless to say, I wasn’t that lucky. But getting that far gave me peace of mind for the next step.
Even before that cycle I was coming to terms with my options. I couldn’t afford donor egg, so began exploring donor embryos. I wasn’t really comfortable with anonymous donor programs. Children have questions. I wanted to be able to provide answers. I discovered a self matching embryo donation website called Miracles Waiting. I met with one woman through this site who had embryos to donate. Turned out she wasn’t really ready to let go of her embryos. I was dejected. I turned to my peeps in this awesome community. I asked a question. “If you had leftover embryos, would you consider donating them to a single woman.” I received so many wonderful, loving comments, including one from my awesome donor, Kathy. A couple of days after leaving her comment, I got an email from her. “Let’s talk,” she said. She had some questions. I answered some by email, some over the phone, and some in a looooong blog post. I poured out my heart. She offered me a chance at motherhood.
It took 2 tries, but I became pregnant from my second frozen embryo transfer. As I have said before, there is really no way to repay this enormous gift. The best I can do is to be the best mother I can be. Thank goodness I have this fabulous community to go to for parenting advice.